I began this week's reading with Gottman's chapters from The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. I agreed with his findings, but found myself asking, "Why doesn't he encourage the spouse to serve more, or love more, or try humility like we have always been taught through the gospel?" I recognized the problems related to criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling that were described as the four horsemen by Dr. Gottman. Recognizing these symptoms in a troubled marriage can predict divorce, as Gottman claims, but what about "repairing" the broken relationship?
I felt as if Dr. Gottman's acknowledgment of base problems are like a power tool to help mend a marital conflict, but without the power plugged in. It is therefore helpful, but limited. The true power of repairing relationships comes from Dr Goddard's book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. As I read the first chapter in his book, I felt the spirit of truth as he explained that the only way to truly resolve conflict is to lean upon the Lord and learn from His example. Together, these books can show us a way to not only diagnose the potential problem areas in marital communication, but also how to resolve the conflict in a way that that Jesus Christ has taught.
There were two particular statements from Dr. Goddard's book that stuck out to me that would give a more spiritual and successful solution to marital conflict than Dr. Gottman offered. He states, "Rather than learn a set of skills for dealing with difficulties, we seek a change of heart" (page 8). The other statement suggests, "We sometimes are so concerned about being right in an argument that we fail to be good." (Page 16). By following the Lord's admonition of becoming humble and giving ourselves to Him, the "power" to use communication tools becomes more successful.
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