Intimacy in marriage

     Intimacy in marriage is an important and vital aspect of a happy and healthy relationship. However, within the church, parents and leaders are still so reluctant to talk about its boundaries in a clear, concise, unashamed, balanced way.  As a young women's leader, and as a mother of three daughters, I always felt it a major disservice to "gloss" over and sugarcoat lessons and discussions related to morality.  

     I had my own person motto, "The world is so bold, that I must be bold in talking to my children about sex".  Many young women have questions they feel they can't ask their parents because sex is a "taboo" topic.  I believe we must incorporate open and honest discussions about intimacy and their place in a marital relationship with our children before the world teaches them, for because the world surely will.

     When trusted loved ones refuse to give young people the answers they seek regarding intimacy, they seek other sources for the answers. Those sources may not be reliable and may do harm in helping the young person build a happy, healthy relationship. The media, internet, friends, etc, are dangerous resources to open our children to because we are too "uncomfortable" to discuss the most beautiful and divinely appointed aspects of marriage.

     A quote from our reading this week states, "One great problem in this, as in all other aspects of marriage, is selfishness. I doubt that there is any human relationship better than marriage to teach us the need for Christlike love—that unqualified and unconditional love that persuades us to think more of another than we think of ourselves".  (Brent Barlow; They Twain Shall Be One).  I don't think anyone has ever heard in a divorce court a litigant say, "I want a divorce because they were too selfless".  Selfishness seems to be one of Satan's greatest tools.  When it comes to physical intimacy, selfishness can cause a spouse to feel degraded, or used, or unworthy.  Only thinking of each other's needs before intimacy even begins can we hope to be giving and unselfish. When it comes to marital relationships, I truly believe that selfishness is founded in lack of knowledge about the divine nature of intimacy and respect for our partner.

     I am so blessed to be married to someone who was loving, supportive, and understanding when we first were married. I was like nearly all young,newly married LDS women.  I was very naive, and had no knowledge regarding intimacy and the role it was supposed to play in our relationship.  It was a difficult adjustment.  That is why I was very adamant about being open and honest with our daughters, and I believed it helped them adjust better when they married.