My dad had a great saying that I have remembered and repeated many times over the years. He said "If you can live with them, I can live around them!" When it comes to choosing another person's spouse, the only person that has the final say is the one that is walking down the isle (or kneeling at the alter.) I cannot count the number of times I have heard a friend say "I really don't like my daughter (or son's) finance...or family". I find that incredibly sad, because they are missing out on the joy of adding a new member to the family, and it creates contention for years.
I clearly remember the advice my mother gave me when I was having a hard time adjusting to my new in-laws (who are vastly different from my family). She said "You have to find something about them you love and then build on that. It is the worst feeling in the world to be at odds with your in-laws." I did find something about them that I loved, and consider them as close as my own parents. That is the same advice I passed on to my daughters. There are some people you love, and some people you just don't know well enough yet. A familial relationship is not spontaneously created by a wedding ceremony. It must be nurtured, just like the relationship with a spouse.
I learned long ago from my own parents and in-laws what kind of a mother-in-law I wanted to be. And my three daughter's have chosen wonderful, but very diverse, spouses.
One son-in-law is from a divorced family and an inactive father.
Another daughter married a young man whose parents attempt to be very enmeshed in their lives, insisting most of their free time is spent with them.
My youngest is married to a Brazilian, so cultures are somewhat different.
However, I love each son-in-law and each of their families with all of my heart. As a matter of fact, whenever a daughter might complain about their husbands (which is very rare), I usually take his side and ask my daughter to think about what a great husband they have. I try not to intrude or give unsolicited advice. However, that is much easier for me since each of my daughters live on different continents. (Africa, USA and Brazil). I had loved Pres Hinckley's many, many admonitions for us to be a more kind people, and to "try a little harder to be a little better." Those attributes applied to family can create an atmosphere of love and joy when welcoming new family members.
Here is a picture of my fun, crazy, loving, diverse family at my youngest daughter's wedding.
How could you NOT love this fabulous bunch of family and in-laws?
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